Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Blog #97: No seriously, I can't make a decision (expansion on #96)

Yesterday I demonstrated how when there is a major life decision that I'm having trouble making, I tend to be paralyzed in EVERY OTHER decision from the important to the mundane by posting a very silly list of choices I struggle with on the daily. The thing is, it was not really a joke.

With grad school and 2011 coming crashing to a close in just about 3 short months, I am faced with a HUGE question mark for I think the first time in my life. Every other "big" decision that others might be tormented by, I've made with fairly youthful impulsiveness and not regretted. I applied to one college after I visited and fell in love with NWMSU. I got a 30 on my ACT and had great grades and school involvement, so I probably could have gotten into someplace with a little more "prestige" but I loved NW, chose it, and have always been very happy with that choice. I regularly gave up my summers and uprooted myself to work at camp. I wanted to try to move to CO, but when the job market didn't work out for me up there I came home and got a job right away with Garmin. When I decided to go to grad school, I did a little bit of research and went full speed ahead to Avila. I only interviewed at one place for my internship. AND NONE OF THESE DECISIONS I REGRET. They've all worked out great for me.

Research actually shows that the more choices/time we're given to make a decision, the less likely we are to be completely  happy with the decision we've made. Isn't that crazy? So, it's worked out well for me that I tend to just "decide" on something and then do it. The problem now is, well, I was put in a situation where I had several months - actually it will end up being about a year from the first time the option appeared to my first opportunity to act on it- to make a big decision. One might think that's a good thing (I can really think it through!) but it's not. I have made my decision and changed my mind about 5 times now and it's a big deal and I feel like I should know what I want BUT I DON'T.

Or maybe I do, but want to be seen as the person that wants the opposite. Which doesn't make any sense. See what I'm going through? And now, because I'm stuck on that big choice, I feel like I don't know what I want in ANYTHING. And if the pull to the big change I was considering isn't enough to make with reckless abandon like all my other changes, then maybe I'm supposed to wait?

Please, someone tell me I'm not crazy.

Great. I'm crazy.

5 comments:

  1. You're not crazy. BUT I'm going to make the decision for you because I have several friends who are indecisive and typically I am not and so I always end up just making the choice for them.

    SO here you go: MOVE TO AUSTIN. You will not regret traveling and living in different places while you can. DO IT.

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  2. Ash: Here's the problem. I feel like it would be irresponsible in this time to give up a job, insurance, etc without any actual work experience (aside from internship) in the field that I'd like to work. And weirdly, when I read "MOVE TO AUSTIN" in all caps, my initial response was "but I don't want to!" which might be telling. I loved Austin when I visited but it was nowhere near the joy I feel whenever I'm in my true dreamland, Colorado (mmmm... mountains) and I could really tell the difference when I visited CO springs over the weekend a couple weeks back. Maybe I wait another 6 months or so and double up on jobs so I can save and REALLY move, like to CO (where I also have family), rather than follow my mom somewhere. Or, maybe I establish myself here, where cost of living is relatively low, which will allow me the freedom to travel to several different places, rather than just live in one cool, but really expensive, place. I'm not typically indecisive, which is why this is startling to me. I generally just do something, but maybe part of my growing up is not being so impulsive. I don't know.

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  3. Or, maybe I visit over Thanksgiving and really connect with the city then and decide all over again to go for it. Who knows.

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