Friday, February 25, 2011

Blog #34: The Lizard of Oz

Okay, I'm going to start this post with one of my favorite Somecards cards, and I am invoking a "pardon the language" disclaimer because despite (or perhaps because of) the choice word it uses, it's hilarious and weirdly poignant. I smile every time. I had other things to say but then I got interrupted typing so my CFO could show me the LIZARD he found living in the tree in his office. Yes, a lizard. No, we're not in Florida or Arizona or any place like that. We are in Kansas. Most of the lizards you see here are in some sort of cage or enclosure. But this one lives in the tree in our CFO's office. I have bonded with him already and named him Lester. I really don't think that it's possible to follow this with any other story, so I'll call it a day. PS: regarding how many youtube listens it takes to finally purchase a song... once I had lost track of how many times I'd listened to each of the songs, I decided to go ahead and purchase the albums. I have yet to regret it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Blog #33: I'M BACK!

I am on a roll with this whole blog thing! I don't know what I meant with that. I suppose I was referencing that I am posting fairly regularly, at least the past couple of weeks... but for that to matter I would have to have some sort of readership or fan base which I am sure is probably not the case. So scratch that. I'm going to leave it there, along with my embarrassing explanation, just to keep things real. I wanted to blog about this new (or more like returning) attitude of mine, but I'm not entirely sure how to describe what I've been feeling lately. When I sit and reflect on it, I tend to think phrases like "I'm BACK," or "I've woken up." When I try to think of my moods and general being before the past month... I would describe myself as "muted" or "fuzzy." I think from about August (or maybe before...) to mid January I was a toned down version of myself. The last week or so of January would be when the change started and by the end of the first week of February, I was more energized and just felt happier. It's like those commercials for allergy medicines where the view before is okay but then the camera filter changes (to reflect the change after medication) and everything is so much more bright and vivid. I'm familiar and used to seeing the world in that way but did not realize until I got back to it that I wasn't there. It's kind of amazing actually, and inspires a lot of gratitude. If things were ALWAYS as bright and vivid as they are now, I would not appreciate it as much. There've been a couple of changes that this reawakening can be attributed to, but I think it's more likely that just the right cocktail of events and life changes happened to put me in the place I am now, and I'm so happy it did. In other news, here are a few less deep and more fun things: 1. I've listened to the Tenth Avenue North song, "Beloved" by playing a YouTube video on my iPhone approximately 8 times in a row already this morning. How many plays does it take to get to the purchasing point of an iTunes song? I will let you know. I'm also currently running this experiment on the new Adele album, specifically the song "Someone Like You." 2. Weirdly hypervigilant about changes in your health? There's an app for that! I am a Web MD fiend and with my recently acquired iPhone, have discovered that I can have the symptom checker at my fingertips! My obsessiveness has reached new levels. 3. I'm so excited to be starting a Bible study soon with some amazing women. Check out Ashleigh, Andrea, Erica, and Catharine.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Blog #32: And then I discovered the Broadway XM station.

Good Morning! Before we go any further, a little housekeeping. You are to read this blog entry today not in my super fast talking perky tone, but rather in a raspy smokers voice. Because that's how I'm speaking today for reasons I don't know or understand and I want this blog to be authentic. Add in a little squeak here and there when you think I'm getting excited about something. Now we can move on. My weekend was simultaneously eventful and boring. Friday I had staff meeting stuff for Solace House which turned out to be just enough to make me feel overwhelmed and terrified that I would never accomplish everything I wanted to at my internship without giving up everything else in life I spend my time on like hanging out with my friends or watching Glee. I haven't quite shaken that feeling but I'm dealing with it by pretending it is fine and will work itself out, much like I do many other things. It'll be fine. Instead I just keep exploring my XM radio and find that the joy it provides might be neverending. They have EVERYTHING. Saturday was house cleaning day because I was expecting the one and only illustrious Mandizzle that evening for our roomie date night. I woke up around 9:30, and while in a stupor put some clothes and makeup on and put my hair up. It wasn't until I was walking out my door that I realized that I was wearing a black tshirt with a brown winter scarf and bright green flip flops. None of that made any sense. I turned around and exchanged the flip flops for gray flats, the brown scarf for black, and added a cardigan because it was not tshirt weather. Then, thankfully, I found my glasses in my car so I put them on. It is my belief that adding a pair of glasses to your outfit makes it so you can get away with wearing anything because you are obviously too busy and sophisticated to worry about such things as fashion. Cleaning day was a moderate success. Roomie date night was a HUGE success. We ate great food at Granite City. I got a box for my leftover salad and promptly left it there upon leaving, which is awesome. Then we indulged in Yogurtini and OH MY GOSH HOW COME I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE? HAVE I BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK? IT IS LESS THAN 5 MINUTES FROM MY HOME. Throughout the evening I began to notice an occasional squeak in my voice and a cough... but insisted it was nothing to worry about and that it was absolutely a good idea to go out to the Pizza Bar and sing at the top of my lungs to Eve 6, Queen, and Katy Perry. Sunday, I learned that I was mistaken. Sorely mistaken. Now I am squeaking and rasping, despite feeling fine, and trying to make it through the work day while my boss mocks me. Living the dream, ladies and gentlemen. Living. The. Dream.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Blog #31: Grad School Senioritis and the Inability to Flirt

There is a graduate school version of senioritis and I have it. I don't quite know what you'd call it because "last year of graduate school-itis" is an awkward mouthful but that's what it is. Motivation and I are more like distant cousins than the BFF's we were last semester. In fact, we have a test in my Research Design class in two weeks and I still have yet to buy the book. In other news, the whole being single after not being single thing, as fun as it is, has reminded me how terrible I am at flirting. I mean, I know that I can be charming and witty. In fact, I regularly am when in conversation with my boss, his clients, or any of the other members of management here. It's just that there's this huge difference when dealing with older married men than when actually intentionally trying to "flirt." All of the pressure and anxiety is removed from a situation where I am just playing the "smile and carry on" kind of role to impress clients because there's nothing to lose there. I get plenty laughs out of the middle aged and married set. It's when I am actually interested in flirting that I begin to make a fool of myself. My wit and puns get reduced to, "HI I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE POP BUTTERED POPCORN IN THE MORNING AND NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SIT BY THE KITCHEN ANYMORE SO I'M GLAD AND I AM GOING TO DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE BECAUSE IT'S GOOD AND SOMETIMES I WEAR EARRINGS BUT I'M NOT A HUGE FAN OF NECKLACES BUT I LIKE EARRINGS AND I BUY THEM AT TARGET AND I LOVE TARGET BECAUSE IT'S NICE IN THERE." The caps lock is to indicate how loud the charming, witty Marissa living inside of this babbling idiot feels like she is talking. Meanwhile, the intelligent Marissa inside is screaming "STOP IT. STOP TALKING. QUIT IT." And yet the babbling idiot carries on. Generally after a while, if the guy sticks around that long, I calm down and revert back to my normal self. I mean, normal Marissa is sometimes just as spastic and ridiculous as the babbling idiot, but at least she isn't shouting (unless there is a football game on).

Monday, February 14, 2011

Blog #30: All You Need is Love

It's Valentine's Day!!!!! What? Did you expect me to be bitter and sad about it? Think again. I decided a few years ago that it is a HUGE waste of energy to have a bad attitude about this commercial day of loooooooove. And yes, the temporal recency of my return to singledom might be a good reason to pout on such a day... but I REFUSE! Pouting gives you wrinkles. I spent a good several years from high school through college hating the day just because I never had that "special" Valentine, and it was stupid. Negativity is unattractive. It doesn't look good on anyone. Seriously, a Megan Fox couldn't pull off a bad attitude like that. Look, I'm a cheesy sucker for a reason to celebrate. I love love. I love love songs. I love chocolate shaped like hearts. I love to wear red high heels. I love to make treats for people. Today is PERFECT for me. I love getting surprises... and my dad never fails to send me a little something for Valentine's day. I realize that takes a little away from the "surprise" aspect but it's never a total guarantee. And one day, when I meet the perfect guy for me, we'll have a great time celebrating this fun day together. (I will make sure said perfect guy understands my need for a grand gesture on occasion.) For now, I'm happy to enjoy and celebrate it as a single woman. There's no reason NOT to... just like there's no reason NOT to celebrate every day. I have soooooo much. To focus on one of the few things that I don't have right now, a romantic relationship, would be silly. I've got plenty of people who I love and who love me. I've got a great job, great friends, the opportunity to pursue higher education, a great apartment, a great car, a great life. I'm not bragging or anything, just focusing on the haves instead of the have nots. It's an easy way to be happy. I have super romantic plans to spend the evening in my research methods and design class. Don't be jealous that all you're doing is having a candlelight dinner and exchanging meaningful gifts with the love of your life. Maybe next year you can spend Valentine's day in a classroom full of grad students. During the day, though, I'm handing out these to whoever so happens to be lucky enough to come see me: I don't want to brag or exaggerate, but the words "magical" and "life changing" have been used to describe these cookies. The secret ingredient is love, of course.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Blog #29: Murphy's Law

I have a very good reason for my absence. I wrecked my car and almost died. Okay, so I'm being a little melodramatic. Last Thursday I DID in fact wreck poor Nessie Nissan on 635 on my way to work, totaling her and scaring the crap out of me. In fact, it is seriously an act of God that I walked away without so much as a scratch only with some stiffness the next day. I didn't write because within two weeks I would have had a "boyfriend broke up with me" post and a "I wrecked my car" post and I was really worried about my blog looking like a bad Taylor Swift song. The truth is, I did have a couple weeks where everything seemed to fall apart and I felt out of control, but sometimes what can go wrong, will go wrong and you just have to shake it off and move on. Thank you, Murphy's Law. The truth is, I'm actually REALLY good. Not just fine, not just getting by or making it work - I'm GOOD. Happy even. Stress made for about 6 pounds of bonus weight loss so I've been feeling great and looking great and really coming into my own as far as the whole confidence thing goes. The "rage" mood is gone and replaced with a "whatever don't need him" mood and I'm moving on. So, please consider this the last mention of the break up. A quick list of a number of things that I don't know yet because I'm totally doing this on the fly: 1. I'm car shopping this weekend. For a used car. This would be terrifying if I were doing it on my own because I am an easy sell and would probably pay sticker for a car that only runs long enough to get me out of the lot and then dies. Lucky for me, my stepdad is a frugal negotiating machine, and will accompany me to be sure that I get a safe, reliable, and nice vehicle for a good deal. I'm really just there to look pretty and sign the down payment check. 2. School and internship stuff is FINALLY picking up and I feel woefully behind. All of the extra stuff going on in my life that I'm not talking about anymore took up a lot of brain power and energy and now it's time for me to buckle down and get to it. 3. Solace House, the only center for grief counseling in Kansas City, is awesome. I love the work that I've gotten to do there so far in group and can't wait to get clients on my own. I feel so good about being there to listen to someone who needs to talk, and it always serves the purpose of adjusting my perspective. 4. I got an iPhone!!!! It's changed my life already and I've only had it for four days. My main goals in life are to get better at Angry Birds and Words with Friends. Priorities, people. 5. GNO was a smashing success. I might share a couple of pictures soon. There was and is a lot more going on but this is already very long and I imagine not very charming or witty like I try to be so I'm going to say adieu and try again when it's not so overwhelming.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Blog #28: An Interesting Development and How You Win

Here's an interesting development. It would appear that there are phases to this whole broken heart thing. I mean, the first few days I didn't feel like doing anything and was so miserable that I thought my heart might be bleeding into my stomach. I can't quite rule that out yet, but a new emotion has worked its way into my life. Rage. It sounds violent and scary but really is better for me. With this phase has come marked mood improvement and more optimistic view of my future. I think about all the time spent, love declared, and all the things I gave up and then I get pissed. The "I'll show him" attitude that I've acquired has resulted in some pretty bad ass weekend plans. I'm going to have a girls' night out to end all girls' nights out. The outfit will kill. The make up will be perfect. The alcohol will flow. And... thanks to my unbelievable boss... there will be a limo. A limo. This is assuming that the 3rd Snowy Apocalypse doesn't ruin all of our lives. Remember when I wrote that whole thing comparing the snow to the whole world war thing? Well I hope this is where the analogy falls apart because this 3rd blizzard has been worse than the other two combined and a comparative 3rd world war might be a real apocalypse. So I'm going to stay mad and look hot and go out and have the best time ever. Kellie Pickler style. And that is how you win.