Blog #31: Grad School Senioritis and the Inability to Flirt

There is a graduate school version of senioritis and I have it. I don't quite know what you'd call it because "last year of graduate school-itis" is an awkward mouthful but that's what it is. Motivation and I are more like distant cousins than the BFF's we were last semester. In fact, we have a test in my Research Design class in two weeks and I still have yet to buy the book. In other news, the whole being single after not being single thing, as fun as it is, has reminded me how terrible I am at flirting. I mean, I know that I can be charming and witty. In fact, I regularly am when in conversation with my boss, his clients, or any of the other members of management here. It's just that there's this huge difference when dealing with older married men than when actually intentionally trying to "flirt." All of the pressure and anxiety is removed from a situation where I am just playing the "smile and carry on" kind of role to impress clients because there's nothing to lose there. I get plenty laughs out of the middle aged and married set. It's when I am actually interested in flirting that I begin to make a fool of myself. My wit and puns get reduced to, "HI I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE POP BUTTERED POPCORN IN THE MORNING AND NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SIT BY THE KITCHEN ANYMORE SO I'M GLAD AND I AM GOING TO DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE BECAUSE IT'S GOOD AND SOMETIMES I WEAR EARRINGS BUT I'M NOT A HUGE FAN OF NECKLACES BUT I LIKE EARRINGS AND I BUY THEM AT TARGET AND I LOVE TARGET BECAUSE IT'S NICE IN THERE." The caps lock is to indicate how loud the charming, witty Marissa living inside of this babbling idiot feels like she is talking. Meanwhile, the intelligent Marissa inside is screaming "STOP IT. STOP TALKING. QUIT IT." And yet the babbling idiot carries on. Generally after a while, if the guy sticks around that long, I calm down and revert back to my normal self. I mean, normal Marissa is sometimes just as spastic and ridiculous as the babbling idiot, but at least she isn't shouting (unless there is a football game on).