Friday, November 18, 2011

Blog #112: An Open Letter to my Upstairs Neighbor

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,
I'm proud of you for being responsible and wanting to have clean laundry. Really. That's something that I typically only get to about once a month. Kudos, you. I'm a little concerned, though, at your timing. As you're aware, we live in an apartment complex in which the laundry hookups are in the bedroom. And your apartment is directly on top of mine, therefore your washing machine is directly on top of my bedroom. This isn't a problem, really, if we both agree that 11:30 on a weeknight is not an appropriate time to run your washing machine unless it's one of those super quiet fancy ones. Which, here's a pro tip for you: it's not. Plus, I think you might need to readjust the alignment because I don't think it should be shaking as much as it does. You're probably damaging it... and the walls.
I'm glad I got to bring up that your bedroom is above my bedroom because that leads me to my next point. Look, I am happy you're in love. At least I assume you are. If you're not, whatever it's your life. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm thrilled that you're "getting some". That's really great for you. I wish you the best of luck with it all. But remember the thing about your bedroom being right above my bedroom? Unless you have one of those mattresses that don't spill wine when you bounce (and I am fairly certain you do not) 5am on a Saturday morning is a completely ridiculous time to be moving and shaking. Let me tell you a little about myself. I work 16 hour days 4 days a week, 8 hours on Friday, and then on Saturdays I still get up around 7:30 to go into my internship. When I hear rhythmic thuds at 5am that wake me up and don't allow me to go back to sleep, I get a cranky face. Other times that rhythmic thuds interrupting my precious, precious sleep will give me the cranky face (for your reference): anytime between midnight and 5am Monday-Friday.
Look, I am a fairly good neighbor. I am barely ever home and I always get back too late to take the good spots in our parking lot which leaves them open for you. Yes, I occasionally interrupt your loving times by beating my fist angrily on the ceiling but that's just my way of trying to communicate to you that I have to wake up in 3 hours and I wish you would wait until daylight. All I ask in reciprocation is for you to respect the evening hours more consistently. I don't think it's asking much.
PS: Are you a giant, ogre or troll? I've never met you but from the sounds you make when you walk around your apartment, you are roughly 12 feet tall and 600 pounds.

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